Suffer***

I sick i still cant sleep. Now already 4.50am on 16 March 2010... I suddenly had a bad dream. Not me wanna dream. Don't know why will appear.

I don't know how to say. I still remember, When form 3, we start our love. Did you all believe, every night i need to call her. You all know why?? Her mother always scolding her, and because of her brother she get scolding by her mother. She always cry and sms me ask me to call her. I never think anything and just call her and convince her. That time she say, 'This world only me love her and care her'. She really like me and she say i always can make her happy. I have my risk to call her and get scolding by my family non stop. But i can happy with her. Now day, she can say. Even friend, she will one word also don't wanna say to me.

Form 4, she cant get good result in PMR. She drop my A class to B class. I say and i promise her, Form 5 she sure can get back A class if she study hard can i go convince the teacher. I use whole year planning with my friend to get her in. At last i never lie her. She really can get back to A class and study with me. She so happy and hug me. Now day, she say. She only remember what i do wrong, others thing she all forget and so easy say. She a forgetful girl.

When i dance in school for a small competition, actually is I been force by someone cause form 5 don't have participation. That time she sick with, her word, she don't wanna dance and ask me go to dance. She won't jealous. Now day, she say. That time i did not call her dance and find other girl dance with me. She angry me whole week. She say i already do wrong. ????

When finish our form 5 and got our results, she say what she wanna study hard cause she get bad result. She say she wanna me teacher ask me support her to Johor, without think, i promise her. She ask me company her sms when she need me. I did everyday even i busy sometime. All my friends saw me non stop sms even i doing assignment. Now day, she say. When i call her ask her chat with me, she say she busy can close my phone so fast. 

When at her home, she say she love me so much and ask me anything happen don't live her. That time, many thing happen i try my best help her solve and convince her. Every time she got a problem ask me, that time i promise her i will teach her grow up and she can solve problem herself. She say she want. I start my teacher life to teach my little lovely student. Now day, she say. She never ask me to teach her she also not happy like this, I wanna tell her. Not all thing can come so early without a hard work. But at last i never say cause i don't want hurt her.

That time she say other than me she won't touch any guy, if i broke up with her she also won't so fast love other, i tell her this world many will happen, because that i try my best and promise her to make this love longer and longer until 4 years. Now day, she say. All thing and she say she already not remember and ask me forget all of it. Is this she say to me like this ???

When I got NS in form 5. She say that three months don't know how to past. I promise her. I try my best get the phone and first person i will sms her. I did and she so happy. She say. I really love her so much and she won't forget the thing i sacrifice to her. Now day, she say. Just because of me not in good body health so just only together with me.

When i back from NS and i got surgery in Pantai Hospital. She come and visit me. But that time i know she wanna cry out but she scare her mother i understand so i silent and did not say anything. That time i already very not feeling well after do the operation. But i kept made her smile and tell her i nothing. Now day, she say. anything happen to me she won't care and don't want know.

15 March 2010. I sick after back from dinner. I so cold and wanna a person to chat only. But what i get is when talk only a while she also feel so hard to chat. Now all thing so different. All the thing above i just wrote only 5 to 10% of it. I don't know why i will sacrifice so many for this girl. Am i too love her. I really don't know i try my best already she say not happy i also can't do anything. Until now my fever never go down. I wanna sleep and rest but scare to close my eye. I very scare. I can't do anything with her word. I wanna forget it but all the thing i saw and hear. I can't do anything.