Just now someone SMS my phone tell me she is my secret admire. I think is SHE play me with her new phone number. I very hope is her, but out of my surprise so sienz..... I don't want other girl sms me and tell me she admire me. I just wanna her come back to me. Zzzzz.... Please don't play me anymore... I don't want any friends i want her.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Yesterday i never slept for whole night, worrying about my result. This few day i try to study my problem solving and programming. Even note i already wrote out for myself and find many information in internet. For can see it. Plus with my mood-less day i also need to study like hell. 3AM at night, i really can't manage myself and vomit out sixth time blood. ==||| i really sienz jo. Today 25 February 2010 i back to Utar take the form with my friends Wai Lap. You all ask him how suffer we run here and there. Block A to Block J after that Wrong block then back to Block F give money to the finance department. Then need walked back to Block A just for hand out the resit. Utar not a small place if you walk. Then i cycle back to westlake have my breakfast on 10 something. After that, run back to eastlake pack my thing and walked to the nearby bus stop.
This called life. I can't think anything. I so tired already. I think i can back home have some happy time with my mother talk and laugh but after back from Ipoh Parade. The result that i dream never will happen. She never understand my feeling. I know, my family very love me all plan for me, all for my good, not enough money then gave me money. But i don't want this. I just hope they can see me study at the room and living room not keep said the same to me. (Ask me study)
Why they can't see what i did in my computer. i reading the note in the computer not playing game. In their heart computer only open the screen is for gaming. Why they can't understand. I just wanna that. I don't want money. I don't want other type of happy, i just wanna them see me study hard in CNY, CNY i never go out more that one day. If go out. Go out with my family. Only one that day is just wanna eat with the person i love and gave her something that all. Just that day. Even got prove because i meet my friends William and Louis in Jusco. Now this is the thing i left in my mind because nothing can make me happy and had warm feeling to me now.
Now i homeless. I no mood wanna back home already. Just a simple thing for them also can't do. " Just see what i do everytime when i open my computer and i silent without click the mouse that time i concentrate in my study that computer provide me note inside the screen.
I very very tired and i can't sleep at all. This is the time i need wait for me to exhausted my all energy than i can sleep a good sleep.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Study very important to anyone, cause is your destiny for your future. She is your first lover in your life and also maybe is the first person marry with you and together with me another half of my life. For me this two i can't lost at all. Really, can't lost. But in year 2010, i lost two of them. One can be safe, one in hot soup. The thing can safe now is study, i very happy because i never failed in this semester, but business cause me a big problem in the exam. I only can say now is i really will study hard this sem 3. I still have a long way to go. I cannot lost one more time. This is last, no one can make me play any game after this semester 3. I won't touch any game, I promise to myself. Semester 3 only a short semester, Suffer 7 weeks only. Just 7 weeks, i will try my best. But this not a thing i need to sad, Even she know my result not good, but one support word also don't have. One also none, i don't know why she turn like that, this was a problem in hot soup. I can't settle this problem now because not the timing. I can feel today night. My emo sure like shit, one problem not enough still add one more problem to me. I just a student and just 19 years old, why all thing will happen on me in the same time, i so stupid, i so useless, i so hopeless. I really wanna someone hit me wake up from the dream, but i know now this is a real world. I so hate myself. Please someone tell me what i need to do now. I lost everything. Everything important in my life, i can't stand anymore. i can't. if add one more surprise to me. I wanna say goodbye to myself. I don't know how many blood i can vomit in my body. Now i know why people so easy vomit blood when get stress up. This is fifth times the blood come out from my mouth. I dont hope got sixth times. I think i will finish. Now my heart so pain and my body live without soul.
I really wanna start study. Once i start i don't hope someone will stop me. Although i hate alone but i can't choose anymore. i must alone, i must study this i can say. I don't want lost anything in my hand. I wanna study hard. I wanna push myself to limit. I wanna hit her target. She can get 3.6 GPA in her school. I must overcome her, that only give me a confidence that i can manage to get her back and give her a happy family. I promise. If i play DOTA start from 24 february 2010, i will use knife stab myself one time. No DOTA if i can't get my good result and make her fall in love me one more time. I promise. No gaming for me if i cannot get 3.6 GPA above. If wanna play, play in real life, beat whatever that stronger than in study. This also call DOTA for me. This i open for my friends. ( WHO SEE ME PLAY GAME JUST PUNISH ME UNTIL I STOP) and who force me to play game, i promise i will kill that guy. If my KAMPAR friends good to me please do this for me. You all want me success or wanna me be useless guy. I know one of my friend sure will help me. Hope he promise this thing for me. This time i must control myself to study. NO STUDY= NO FUTURE. I promise.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Everyday, every night i doing the same thing. Wake up, eat, sleep and sleep. Nothing do, wanna study but no note. The note i had now already finish study, that was problem solving and programming. I though it was many chapters. Once i got it only 5 chapters. Zzzz.... Worry about my result that coming soon because now i start saw many many word about our result of this sem 2. After saw what they wrote, i worry with them.If she here, what will she say to me?? I really wanna know. Everyday i wake up i don't know i need to do what, brush my teeth, wash my face and eat breakfast, even sometime don't eat at all. this is me??? After do all the thing, i opened mu computer and i sat on the chair for few minutes without doing anything. Really, non of the thing i can do. Then wait until few hour past, i closed my computer and sleep on the bed. Until then time came to eat lunch i wake up.
Sometime i wrote blog then sleep sometime so speechless and no mood to touch it. Don't know why will become like that. After finish my lunch i went back home did the same thing like this morning slept until this evening for dinner. After dinner, back and played some and wait for the time past. Then bath and watched movie that i download from PPS until i felt tired and closed my computer and sleep. This is the life without her. This is the life i feel worthless to continue it. So not meaningful, so useless, damn boring, and so lonely. All my friends which got broke up with his girlfriend also nothing happen. Why i can't release like that. I wanna try but result so different. All people ask me find more beautiful girlfriend to forget the past. But for me i only love 丑小鸭,肥胖 和 良好的心 de 女孩. (if anything wrote wrong don't blame me just learn Chinese word)
I don't want her pretty because i not handsome, i love her fat because when i sad i can hug her and gave me warm, i love her good heart because she can take care of me when i sick cause i always sick this few year. Don't know why. Maybe to stress up. That is me, i just wanna a simple girl who love me not more than 70% enough. Cause i will try to make her more love after together with me, but now she gone. Gone together with other guy and forgot me. My heart pain like gave thousand of bee sting on my heart. The pain won't let you die but just sting you non stop with 10% pain and 90% suffer. Everyday i having a some thing in the same time. Why must always is the same time then my mood and emotion will fully cover by the darkness. This was a punishment on me for release her. MAYBE. But if i not release her, i also don't know i so love her. Once lost only know the important to me. If like last time, i lost something i just sad a while that wake up buy a new one. But this thing cannot, i just know something can't bought and find after you past the time.
For me, if you really love person you should go a ride on it. Later boat left, you will be late and forever can't make it. Time is limit. If you love, just go. If not you will regret once she in love with other guy. But you still got last chance. That is get her back once she still not yet marry with other guy. So this is my timing to get her back. And i won't let her go forever. I will hold her hand tight tight. If you wanna get her back please appreciate her forever if not don't try to get her back if not appreciate.
Exam result will be coming out soon. just one day after today. I need people support me, cause i very worry my result. i scare i wrote wrong thing make myself lost many marks. If last time i wont had anything, cause got her support me. She say to me anything happen she will support me and accompany. But??? now all gone, all different, i already no sleep from yesterday night until now. My emotion very bad and so suffer, I very miss her, but every time i wanna chase her back, she sure say something to hurt me.
Make me no power and brave to chase her. Last time, i ask if anything not happy, anything not good to her tell me and let me change, but that time she say she together very happy and enjoy, never regret together with me cause i so good to her, even i do wrong she say will try her best to forgive me, i so happy that time she say like that. Then she even say very love me. Ask me don't hurt her. I promise her i won't mean i won't, she ask me don't talked to girl when she not beside me, yes i never, in university i only talked when i got teammate are girls and my friend's housemates. I promise her what i will do also, but now she forget all promise to me. She even tell other people, i got dating with girl when i together with her, i don't know why she say like that, i so hurt that time when i know she say like that, I so emo today, maybe result come and without her support my confidence dropped from heaven to the hell. In addition, our misunderstand too much, i don't know why, i really don't know why, i so sad. Why result must like that, after we broke up she even tell a guy that she not happy with me, not love me at all when together with me, and many more. She ask him told me, is that real that she think. i really wanna know. If not love me why we can together for 4 years.
I very confuse, I don't know why turn like that.I very miss her, if i don't sleep i miss her, if i sleep i dream her, if i eat i will thing her, even i study for next semester subject in Kampar alone, i will feel wanna sms to her, why i cannot live without thinking her. Her sister ask me when miss her see our photo, i got but when see my tear come out itself, i so miss her. Many thing i really explain to her, cause 4 years she say me do many wrong things, i want tell her, not all thing you see with your eye was correct on that time, i don't want tell her that time because she live in not good condition. Every night she will cry and sms me tell her unhappy thing, Is every night, so i sms with her, if i still add my unhappiness to her. She sure more unhappy, so i never tell. But problem start from that time, so now she refuse to hear my explain and say me every thing i do wrong also got reason, why she can't see that time my face. She same class with me, why that time she cannot find out, the guy with her now know a bit of my problem but i don't know whether got tell her or not maybe not at all, cause everybody also selfish, this i can say. So do i, i too selfish and took all thing as my problem. Good people forever is a bad guy in the eye of other people. Bad guy always the best because they will follow majority to do thing, but like me live in that position of life, not all thing i can controlled.
Many thing the answer come out and i need to accept and do with my another side of my heart. Mean i being force by people to do something i dislike. I so tired, i never did that thing also will give people say and increase the rumor until don't know what story come out. No one will know what happen, and just know how to blame me, and she start feel i do wrong, even i ask her go find the real people but she refuse. Is this kind of the thing she do this thing to me. I can't believe this will happen to me. Plus my bone very back, although she did so many hurt thing and unhappy thing me, i don't know why i still love her i really don't know why. I can tell maybe this a god wanna tell our love and see what our next action should do.
So many thing happen in my CNY 2010. Until i felt like i acting in the movie, so sienz is this type of thing i need to face. Many people including her ask me release the past, i try my best already but when every time i forget her not enough three days sure got something happen make me think her back. I feel myself so hard to forget her, cause i really love her, I even promise myself wait her finish her study for 5 years then i chase her, in this 5 years, i just can i will try my best not so miss her and study hard for future let her had a happy life with me, i wanna find many many money and tell her sit at home and have her happy life with out children, 5 years only, for me can wait but don't know my emotion can wait or not. Every night i also will suddenly emo and think her and my tear will coming out like leaking water. Don't know what to do. HAIZ....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Alone meaning in Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary mean without other people. Is that real??
First you plan all the thing to someone, teach her and help her, mostly is love her, you never wanna back the response if you think you did all thing for her is love her. When she need me i will appear and teach her. I wanna her be mature and can solve problem by herself and not depend to anyone. This is the thing i need to do to teach her. But sometime i can't see her suffer i will help her without anyone knowledge. Only one if my best friend know the thing that i ask him to help me plan. Yet, she still feel i not good enough to her, yet she still say not happy with me, something even god and human will do wrong thing, no one is correct, no one can teach people even though they older than us, they teach us because they faced this problem before and the problem solved so they know. The conclusion can be make was all people will do wrong, see how you change yourself. Study in 19 years old very important. Cause after i know the hard of the study in UTAR. I can feel the same way in other school, in addition it was a government school with contract. Once around CGPA 2.0 something, sure got many problem. Last time, she ask me teach her dance in her PJ competition, i don't know she got follow what i teach or not, but i never try to ask. Cause she get second place in the competition. I feel happy because she start no need depend on me and won the competition. Besides that, she ask me teach her computer project but i feel very sorry cause i can't help because in my knowledge of computer only in english but her one come from BM. i try to use google translate into english but the stupid google translate, translate into word that i not understand at all. Plus, actually, my computer skill need time to thing. i learn too many thing, and the computer is come from binary combination, so as a human, i not computer that can stored more that 1 TB memory in my brain. Not all thing i will remember, especially STUDY. The word STUDY make me suffer for 6 years.....
I don't know why. My sister so clever but i out of the study material. I only can focus on outdoor activity.
A month already, we separate, most of the people say time can forget all the past. but a month, my brain still appear her non stop, is the word problem or mine problem. I not a guy that like playboy, so easy to forget another part. I got try to chase other, but every night i keep thinking her and now keep clear and clear, i cant use rubber to rub it because now on the image was using a marker pen to draw it out. How i try my best to rub but the image still appear in my mine. I make her hate me make her 1% also not think me because i don't her suffer. Just pain a while rather than pain forever. Yesterday i keep like last time watching her in the bus stop. But i did wrong thing, i let her saw me, haiz. Many time i never give her see but this time i never my behind then kena jo. Never mind la, i wont let her know next time. Just see her safety back to school is the best thing. See her a while enough already. Love a girl no need together with her and give her anything. Just help her a bit got let her happy and success is already enough. As she say, we no return, past is past she won't choose me anymore. I don't know i need to respect her or follow my heart to chase her back. but still long long time. I promise her i will wait 5 years let her finish study first. This i can do. Because i need to study too. Life is like that after lost is only know the thing very important. If you not lost it before you wont more appreciate her at all. you won't know how love you to her. For me, and now in my mind, no girl can be replace her and no girl will make me 100% love the them. Because until now and future. I only love a girl, that is my ex.
Nothing in this world people will always do right things , but it also no people will do wrong things forever.
Although you do right thing but no one will know what happen at all. For me, bad thing always happen on me. No one know i been force to do it. But forever i get blame by someone. All people know in my old school, what my characteristic be? i can't control i can't control by myself. Am i really do wrong or do right. I just wanna happily finish my form 5, but now. i feel myself be a simple guy forever also can. I just wanna be a simple guy.
happy with with someone that i love, study in a simple university. That all. This simple dream, I only can do in a dream. I can't make it in the real world. This year of tiger. As a goat member, i need to be careful to be eaten by other animal. i just a vegetarian. That all. Is this what i get. No one will know what i do and what see. I not stupid. I can do many thing, but to make someone happily, i need to be a stupid and ego people. To make someone hate me, cause coming event i also cant manage at all. i hope the people will wear my necklace I gave. This is the last hope for me t make the people safe. This my hope. No one will know will what happen. I just wanna all people around me happy. I not happy also can, because this is my attitude or maybe my stupidness. Before that, in my heart, i feel no one is bad, only not understand, but now???
i don't know wanna keep to do like this or not. Many thing make me so disappointed, Body is sacrifice for people that you think is important, to PROTECT THEM this is the world of Earth. Do what you like, do what you love, no need care any people taking about. For the people good and graduate. I be a bad guy forever also can. I be a guy been hate forever also can. Cause i Love her.....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The WWE Superstar I am was Rey Mysterio.
I am the people who was small and short among my friends.
But i will try my best to protect someone i love and something important to me with my small body.
I am a person do not love to explore myself to people.
As helping someone without get any prize or things from the people.
I wanna all people around me happy and always smile.
Although i get hurt but i will protect someone i love. In addition, when i feel that thing was important to me then i will keep doing and protecting the thing to prevent it destroy.
Although all people around me dislike what am i doing. But i will still protect it with my whole body.
This is me.
I will keep fighting even my enemy is bigger than me or even will cause my body crush forever.
I will use my speed and true heart to win all the enemy i have.
I will try my best to run out from the hell and keep surviving until the last day of the world.
Without the mask, without the body size, without the speed.
Rey Mysterio will not appear in this world.
He only will appear when all this element above appear in this world.
I don't care how many people say me.
But i will win you all to shut your mouth.
And prove to all people that people in this world is equal.
No one is perfect in this world.
Only got lazy and useless people that always skip the problem and make the world unbalance.
I so sad. I really sad. i don't know why i keep like that. Am I have changed ?
I really wanna know, i really wanna know.
The people i love she not love me>>
but i not love her but she keep love me>>
why so suffer, WHY?
I wanna a ending story lo. I wanna put a . in my story.
I don't know why my heart so pain today.
Because what, because miss her or because love her.
I so blur what i decide now is correct or not.
Am i love her or just replace something.
I wanna know, Many thing unhappy and boring happen in my CNY.
NO ANGPAU, NO VISIT, NO HAPPINESS and all gone.
I don't know what am i doing now. Open laptop don't know do what at all.
Open and close only. What the hell am i doing all day long.
What am i doing?
What am i worry about?
Why i don't say out the word to her?
Why i don't know what am i thinking?
Why this world got many problem left to us
Why English reference book need to teach us how to make question to people answer?
Why this world must had who, what, where, when, why, how??????
So Sienz ==
Why people can't straight tell people what they want without any question sentences for people to answer?
Why lei??
Everything are 5W 1H?
I really tired with that.
Trying not to think all the problem.
Once I wanna skip the problem. BUT
All the problem will appear back once you start forget it.
GOD wanna us to face it or make us suffer ??
I wanna say it out but i not that brave as what my look now???
In addition, i don't know what i writing or doing now.
JUST POST~~ XD
Monday, February 8, 2010
8 February 2010,
Bye Bye to all my friends and best friends.
Today I drove them to bus station.
My best brother BOON KANG, One of My best friend Ghee Giap,
One of My new friend Jia Wen and her two friends when on the greenland bus 8686.
Tomorrow can buy 4D..... for the number.
On that day also i gave a present to someone that, i need to special thanks to her,
because she accompany me MSN and SMS when i sad.
In addition, that time is exam week,
she still can accompany me until 3a.m.
I felt sorry to her cause i disturb her for 3 to 4 hours, but i happy once talking to her because she use many way to convince me. hahahaha
:-)
i hope they five people can arrive Johor safety and back home have a enough sleep before carrying their happy life at home. I know all of us after exam, sure wanna back their own hometown.
Because UTAR had a hard week for exam, and all stress up.
I Hope Chinese New Year can make them release the stress.
For me, i will back tomorrow due to some i need to do in KAMPAR,
8AM i will back IPOH,
for me nothing is important at IPOH except my family,
back hometown also boring, cause all my friend in other place like JB, MELAKA, KEDAH, PENANG, and Sarawak. Only some in Ipoh.
Haiz, i also don't know they free on CNY or not because for me CNY not so popular among our family,
moreover feel boring and tired when CNY,
because my room will be undercontrol of my three sisters.
Lastly, i need to sleep on the living room, damn sad,
BUT i so enjoy when they back cause we can joke all the time and sometime i can play manjong with them.
THIS YEAR CNY is a boring CNY because i need to overcome the VALENTINE DAY by myself,
because the person i love not beside me, as wish i hope next year won't like that anymore. :-)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
7 February 2010,
Stream C former TC1 and TC2 gathering together to had dinner at Mango in WESTLAKE near our University.
Because some problem occur on that day.
we need to divided into two table due to place too small for us.
HAIZ....
I had some photo to share with you all in this dinner.
From left side, WEI TAR, JIA WERN, BOON KANG, ADRIAN TAN, VICEDREY LEE, VALENTINE WONG.
First table, the main organizer of this steamboat plan. We had a photo after finish our STEAMBOAT in mango.
Time around 10.20p.m.
From left side the first row, FONG, ZHEN HUI, CHANG JUAN.
From left side the sit row, JUN YUEN,
JUN KIT, WIN SERNG.
Second table, our guests for that day.
Photo taken after they finish their dinner with us.
Time around 10.15p.m
Unforgettable, our big little brother, WAI LAP in the middle of the picture. He having his first ever ice-cream in that dinner.
SEE, he damn happy with a just little bit of ice-cream on his hand XD.....
Our Main character of the day, Our handsome brother, GHEE GIAP (GG) watching his girlfriends eating. SO ROMANTIC LEI, we all so jealous with you. HAHAHAHa. EAT slowly. Don't put all the food inside your mouth. Many food still inside the bowl.
Our Godlike, Adrian TAN KAI YUAN, what happen, is that food no enough for you, just take as many as you want la. don't give me this type of face lei. I very worry lei. No FOODS also need to smile de. Don't sad brother sayang you back. XD
GEE WEI TAR, after a hour i exhausted for cooking for people. Time for you le. cooked for them la. hahaha. waiting you lei. Cook faster before all the fellow start angry. hahahaha
AT LAST, Me Vicedrey and little pig WERN LAI with two small bottle Heineken while having our dinner. One word can describe the Heineken "TERUK". worse than tiger and calsberg. HAIZ wrong order from my friends.That night we all very happy with our food and joke together because after that day. We all need wait until 1 MARCH 2010 to meet. Remember not to forget each other because we have another 3 years together in UTAR. HAHAHAHA. Waiting you all back and meet.
I love you all and thanks for you all help me and accompany me to start and finish this dinner.
Happy Forever
Saturday, February 6, 2010
6 February 2010..
Today 9AM, i started my last exam for this Y1S2. I'm in the bad mood.
Because i lost many marks in section A. But i try my best in other section.
Hope can get better mark. I already promise myself. This sem must score.
Last i did what i say. I hope the result out can make me happy.
This year 2010 i so sad. Many thing happen on me.
Make me so suffer and pain in the early of January.
But exam come all thing i already forget.
I hope it always like that and forever don't think her.
I wanna live happily by myself and not for her.
I give up all thing. Now many important thing i need to do.
Just Now i just finish steamboat with my friends. E.g TC1 members, TC2 members and some other stream.
Be a cooker again and also every time be.
I love to cook. hahahaha~~~
I love to cook to my friend eat.
And they eat happily that can la.
No other important thing to say.
HAPPY is the word every people want from the beginning until the end.
Forever HAPPY is the best.
I love you all.
After Come to UTAR i grown up a lot.
I hope i will increase my knowledge after know the important of study.
I hope all my friend score the GPA that what they dream and trying to do in the exam.
After Chinese New Year Hope Everything will be fine.
And i Hope all people in relationship.
HAPPY VALENTINE DAY in 14 February 2010.
Hope everything is ok, after that day
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