#Study OR Her#

Study very important to anyone, cause is your destiny for your future. She is your first lover in your life and also maybe is the first person marry with you and together with me another half of my life. For me this two i can't lost at all. Really, can't lost. But in year 2010, i lost two of them. One can be safe, one in hot soup. The thing can safe now is study, i very happy because i never failed in this semester, but business cause me a big problem in the exam. I only can say now is i really will study hard this sem 3. I still have a long way to go. I cannot lost one more time. This is last, no one can make me play any game after this semester 3. I won't touch any game, I promise to myself. Semester 3 only a short semester, Suffer 7 weeks only. Just 7 weeks, i will try my best. But this not a thing i need to sad, Even she know my result not good, but one support word also don't have. One also none, i don't know why she turn like that, this was a problem in hot soup. I can't settle this problem now because not the timing. I can feel today night. My emo sure like shit, one problem not enough still add one more problem to me. I just a student and just 19 years old, why all thing will happen on me in the same time, i so stupid, i so useless, i so hopeless. I really wanna someone hit me wake up from the dream, but i know now this is a real world. I so hate myself. Please someone tell me what i need to do now. I lost everything. Everything important in my life, i can't stand anymore. i can't. if add one more surprise to me. I wanna say goodbye to myself. I don't know how many blood i can vomit in my body. Now i know why people so easy vomit blood when get stress up. This is fifth times the blood come out from my mouth. I dont hope got sixth times. I think i will finish. Now my heart so pain and my body live without soul. 

I really wanna start study. Once i start i don't hope someone will stop me. Although i hate alone but i can't choose anymore. i must alone, i must study this i can say. I don't want lost anything in my hand. I wanna study hard. I wanna push myself to limit. I wanna hit her target. She can get 3.6 GPA in her school. I must overcome her, that only give me a confidence that i can manage to get her back and give her a happy family. I promise. If i play DOTA start from 24 february 2010, i will use knife stab myself one time. No DOTA  if i can't get my good result and make her fall in love me one more time. I promise. No gaming for me if i cannot get 3.6 GPA above. If wanna play, play in real life, beat whatever that stronger than in study. This also call DOTA for me. This i open for my friends. ( WHO SEE ME PLAY GAME JUST PUNISH ME UNTIL I STOP) and who force me to play game, i promise i will kill that guy. If my KAMPAR friends good to me please do this for me. You all want me success or wanna me be useless guy. I know one of my friend sure will help me. Hope he promise this thing for me. This time i must control myself to study. NO STUDY= NO FUTURE. I promise.