My time very near to END of the world~~

Exam result will be coming out soon. just one day after today. I need people support me, cause i very worry my result. i scare i wrote wrong thing make myself lost many marks. If last time i wont had anything, cause got her support me. She say to me anything happen she will support me and accompany. But??? now all gone, all different, i already no sleep from yesterday night until now. My emotion very bad and so suffer, I very miss her, but every time i wanna chase her back, she sure say something to hurt me. 

Make me no power and brave to chase her. Last time, i ask if anything not happy, anything not good to her tell me and let me change, but that time she say she together very happy and enjoy, never regret together with me cause i so good to her, even i do wrong she say will try her best to forgive me, i so happy that time she say like that. Then she even say very love me. Ask me don't hurt her. I promise her i won't mean i won't, she ask me don't talked to girl when she not beside me, yes i never, in university i only talked when i got teammate are girls and my friend's housemates. I promise her what i will do also, but now she forget all promise to me. She even tell other people, i got dating with girl when i together with her, i don't know why she say like that, i so hurt that time when i know she say like that, I so emo today, maybe result come and without her support my confidence dropped from heaven to the hell. In addition, our misunderstand too much, i don't know why, i really don't know why, i so sad. Why result must like that, after we broke up she even tell a guy that she not happy with me, not love me at all when together with me, and many more. She ask him told me, is that real that she think. i really wanna know. If not love me why we can together for 4 years. 

I very confuse, I don't know why turn like that.I very miss her, if i don't sleep i miss her, if i sleep i dream her, if i eat i will thing her, even i study for next semester subject in Kampar alone, i will feel wanna sms to her, why i cannot live without thinking her. Her sister ask me when miss her see our photo, i got but when see my tear come out itself, i so miss her. Many thing i really explain to her, cause 4 years she say me do many wrong things, i want tell her, not all thing you see with your eye was correct on that time, i don't want tell her that time because she live in not good condition. Every night she will cry and sms me tell her unhappy thing, Is every night, so i sms with her, if i still add my unhappiness to her. She sure more unhappy, so i never tell. But problem start from that time, so now she refuse to hear my explain and say me every thing i do wrong also got reason, why she can't see that time my face. She same class with me, why that time she cannot find out, the guy with her now know a bit of my problem but i don't know whether got tell her or not maybe not at all, cause everybody also selfish, this i can say. So do i, i too selfish and took all thing as my problem. Good people forever is a bad guy in the eye of other people. Bad guy always the best because they will follow majority to do thing, but like me live in that position of life, not all thing i can controlled. 

Many thing the answer come out and i need to accept and do with my another side of my heart. Mean i being force by people to do something i dislike. I so tired, i never did that thing also will give people say and increase the rumor until don't know what story come out. No one will know what happen, and just know how to blame me, and she start feel i do wrong, even i ask her go find the real people but she refuse. Is this kind of the thing she do this thing to me. I can't believe this will happen to me. Plus my bone very back, although she did so many hurt thing and unhappy thing me, i don't know why i still love her i really don't know why. I can tell maybe this a god wanna tell our love and see what our next action should do. 

So many thing happen in my CNY 2010. Until i felt like i acting in the movie, so sienz is this type of thing i need to face. Many people including her ask me release the past, i try my best already but when every time i forget her not enough three days sure got something happen make me think her back. I feel myself so hard to forget her, cause i really love her, I even promise myself wait her finish her study for 5 years then i chase her, in this 5 years, i just can i will try my best not so miss her and study hard for future let her had a happy life with me, i wanna find many many money and tell her sit at home and have her happy life with out children, 5 years only, for me can wait but don't know my emotion can wait or not. Every night i also will suddenly emo and think her and my tear will coming out like leaking water. Don't know what to do. HAIZ....